Promoting Positive Behaviour

Children learn how to behave by watching, listening and talking to the adults who care for them. Children develop their morals and values from what they observe of how adults treat others.

Children need clear boundaries and consistent rules. You should have high aspirations of a child/ young person placed with you and be clear about what is acceptable and not.

You are expected to understand, manage and deal with young people's behaviour including encouraging children to take responsibility for their behaviour and helping them to learn how to resolve conflict. That said, it must be acknowledged that young people who have experienced trauma may struggle significantly to reflect and take responsibility for their behaviour. You are encouraged to refer to the therapeutic training you have received in relation to this. In particular, ‘The Window of Tolerance’ (Beacon House resource). The key message here is the promotion of connection and regulation within your relationship before correction and reflection can be affectively achieved.

This chapter should also be read alongside our guidance on Positive Relationships and Behaviour Support.

Since your foster child is new to your home they will not know or understand your rules unless you explain them. You will need to be mindful of the child's background and early life experiences when setting boundaries and expectations.

It is important that the child is treated consistently by everyone who is dealing with them, particularly when there are two carers.

Everyone needs to agree on an approach and stick to it. Depending on the age of the child it is useful for them to be involved in conversations about what behaviour is accepted and when appropriate to consider possible consequences. The use of natural consequences should be used wherever possible. Ongoing communication is really important and can be helpful as you start to get to know each other.

It is easy to only notice difficult behaviour.

The child needs to be aware of what they did well and should be told as it is happening, not later on or after the event.

Young people who have experienced trauma are often evaluated and assessed based on their behaviour.  They often feel as though they are evaluated as either being ‘good’ or ‘bad’.  It is more helpful to consider whether their behaviour is communicating the following things:

1. An unmet need that they struggle to communicate verbally;
2. Sensory difficulties that they struggle to communicate verbally;
3. An attachment style that has kept them safe in the past and difficult to unlearn;
4. Needing connection from you but struggling to communicate this verbally;
5. Feeling unsafe;
6. Shame;
7. Blocked Trust;
8. Whether we, as the adults around the young person are in blocked care/ feeling compassion fatigue.

You should record behaviour to help you and other professionals understand the situation (please see Nottinghamshire Children’s Social Care Service Procedures Manual, Foster Carer Recording Policy for further information)

There are many techniques for helping to manage children's behaviour but remember, children and young people respond best to people that they like and respect. Regardless of which technique you use, a positive, safe relationship with you is the key to helping them to behave positively. Young people who have experienced trauma are likely to have “blocked trust”. It is essential that they experience you as a safe adult otherwise they are unlikely to invest in the relationship with you and subsequently unlikely to follow your advice/guidance. 

Young people who have experienced trauma and who have blocked trust rarely, if ever respond favourably to a behaviourist, rewards and consequences approach. This is because they are more likely to mistrust adults and the positive intentions you have towards them. They often anticipate that adults will be mean to them, which is based on their previous experiences. They are sensitive to and anticipate abandonment and hold a negative internal working model of themselves. They are more likely to misinterpret ‘consequences’ as evidence that adults are being mean. If you impose lots of consequences with young people who have trauma, then you are likely to observe ‘shame’ responses.We must prioritise an internal sense of safety within the relationship and ‘connection’ first before ‘correction’. You are encouraged to refer to the therapeutic training you receive in relation to managing behaviour. If a young person is exhibiting lots of unattractive behaviour then a TAC meeting, or placement support meeting should be held to consider ways to address this. As a foster carer you should discuss any issues with your supervising social worker or the child’s social worker, so that any appropriate support can be offered. Young people with trauma often communicate their distress via their behaviour. It is therefore helpful to consider ways to lower the demands placed on the young person.

As a child/young person gets older they need help to  understand the consequences of their behaviour and take some responsibility for it 

It is important to reflect and talk to a child when they are calm about a situation that may have happened, to not only try and understand it, but also consider how the past may be impacting on the here and now, and to  agree how it may be different in the future.

A child/young person placed with you may be at a low point in their lives. They are vulnerable and may 'act out' their feelings.

This may show itself in ways such as bed-wetting, stealing food or money, being rude or aggressive, destructive or running away.

You should  discuss the situation with the child's social worker and your Supervising Social Worker to agree how the behaviour can be best managed.

Sometimes the child or young person might not understand the reasons that things are going wrong for them and they might need your help to make sense of what is happening. Children who experienced emotional trauma may not be able to respond to problem solving, reasoning or guidance in a positive way. Patience, acceptance and consistency by the foster carer is most important.  It is important to consider the therapeutic training you have completed and to use a trauma informed approach.  The neurosequential model of therapeutics helps us to consider which part of the brain may need healing/support. This clip helps to illustrate this.

Remember that children and young people often do things wrong because of their  past adverse childhood experiences and these things are hard to help or to iron out. Examples of this might be clumsiness, sleeping in and being grumpy. On the other hand, their experiences might leave them behaving badly and until you both recognise this, it will be hard to change.

All children need rules and boundaries but these should be focused on keeping them safe.

Try not to burn your bridges with threats and sanctions.

Praise and positive responses often go a lot further than sanctions. Remember that body language and the tone of your voice can sometimes make things worse, e.g. if you raise your voice they may also. Young people with trauma often experience high levels of shame based on their negative internal working model. Connection and safety is essential first, before correction can be fully achieved for the long term. If correction techniques have to be used then it is important to invest time in the repair of your relationship once the situation has calmed down. This is because young people with trauma struggle to experience an unconditional sense of love and support from their caregivers.  They are likely to struggle to recover from correction/consequences without your help.

Most children present behaviour that needs to be responded to immediately with some form of  correction at some point. Because of their formative experiences, some children may display very challenging behaviour.

Foster carer training, support and care planning should equip you with a range of positive strategies for managing challenging behaviour and discipline that is appropriate. Remember, in managing any unacceptable behaviour, it is the behaviour that is not acceptable and not the child.

Within the Foster Care Agreement signed by you, you have agreed not to use any form of corporal punishment. The term 'corporal punishment' should be taken to cover any intentional application of force as punishment including smacking, slapping, pinching, squeezing, shaking, throwing missiles, rough handling and all other humiliating forms of treatment or punishment.

Similarly, restriction of contact visits to and from the birth family and friends must not be used as a punishment, nor withholding receipt or sending of letters or phone calls.

Children and young people must not be stopped from getting in touch with their social worker, Children's Guardian or Solicitor.

There are many different techniques used to help children and young people with behavioural problems. These usually start by considering changes that could be made in the child or young person’s environment to help lower the demands on them and also by using a therapeutic approach to promote an internal sense of safety. Sometimes written contracts are negotiated as an agreement between a carer and child or young person.

In order for the technique to work the adult must give clear messages, be consistent, be persistent, watch what happens, draw conclusions, and decide what must change. A child or young person’s age but also stage of emotional development should be considered.

This guidance does not prevent a person taking necessary physical action, where any other course of action would be likely to fail to avert an immediate danger of personal injury to the child or another person, or to avoid immediate danger to property.

Sometimes children become so excited that it affects their behaviour. This is because they struggle to regulate excitement and it can easily evolve into a sense of fear.  Both emotions can feel similar in the body and are difficult to distinguish. Time- in with a safe adult is more appropriate to time-out when a child/young person is showing signs of distress.An increased sense of supervision can help to provide visceral safety for your young person. Often things that we assume will be an enjoyable experience for children and young people, can sadly become distressing for them. Unpredictable environments and experiences, can sometimes trigger a sense of fear which is communicated via behaviour. This is why predictable low key events and experiences are sometimes preferable, particularly when a child or young person has a history of unresolved trauma. Children and young people often need more ‘preparation’ and support to manage positive events and activities. Making things as predictable as possible, along with increased supervision from a safe adult  is key to calming a distressed child/young person.

A bedroom is not an appropriate place to use for punishment.

With many children it is sometimes easier to remove yourself from a situation to prevent further escalation, particularly if you are feeling angry or defensive yourself, and promise to return when  things have calmed down.

Looked After Children should not receive any physical/corporal punishment. The Foster Care Agreement you sign when you became a foster carer says that this is not acceptable. The children you will care for have frequently suffered Sexual, Physical and Emotional abuse. Therefore, it is important that you teach children about love and care rather than anger and violence. The behaviour is often not acceptable, but needs to be understood by taking into account your therapeutic training, so as to reduce the risk of shaming  the child/young person.

If a serious incident such as an accident, violence, assault, or damage to property takes place, you should do what is needed to protect children/yourself from immediate harm, and then notify the fostering service immediately.

You should not use any form of Physical Intervention except as a last resort to prevent you or others from being injured or to prevent serious damage to property. Some carers receive training on understanding behaviour and physical intervention but the rule above still applies in these situations.

If any form of Physical Intervention is used, it must be the least intrusive to protect the child, you or others.

At no time should you act unless you are confident of managing the situation safely, without escalation or further injury.

You should endeavour to deal with as many as possible of the challenges that are involved in caring for children without the involvement of the Police, who should only be involved if:

• An emergency occurs that requires their immediate involvement to protect the child or others;

Or

• Following discussion with the child's social worker/your supervising social worker;
• Out of Hours this discussion should be held with the Emergency Duty Team (EDT) 0300 456 4546

If any serious incident occurs or the Police are called, the child's social worker and your Supervising Social Worker must be notified without delay. You may be asked to provide a full written report of the incident and actions taken.